Thursday, March 19, 2009

My Ex's fiance keeps getting into pop culture debates with me

As I mentioned months ago, the girl I dated for over three years in college got engaged to a friend of ours. He and I always got along well, but pretty much lost touch after college. The beauty of the Facebook era, however, is that you almost never completely lose touch.

I often post some sort of observation about the world/geek culture on my facebook page, and recently my ex's fiance has been commenting on them. I enjoy the dialogue, because we have similar viewpoints and are both intelligent enough to have a very good back and forth, but from time to time I still wonder why he started responding only after their engagement.

Today for example, I posted an article about how CNBC is calling Jon Stewart naive. I thought that was stupid for multiple reasons. They're drawing attention to a fight they were on the wrong side of, which made them look stupid, and they're attacking Jon Stewart again, even though they're aware he can totally outgun them. The Fiance countered that it was a good idea, because they get free publicity for their network. We went back and forth on that a few times, and it was all mostly amicable.

The thing I wonder about is whether or not the Fiance is trying in some way to prove that he's smarter than me when it comes to this sort of thing. I don't think that's actually the case, but I recognize it as a possibilty. I haven't seen him and my ex together, so I don't know how secure they are with each other. I assume they're very secure with each other since they're getting married, but at the same time, the Fiance first met my ex while she was dating me. And he saw us very much in love for years, and saw how hard she took our breakup. Then when they get engaged, the two of them discover that I'm totally cool with it.

It's always strange to think about your significant other's ex's, but I'd imagine it's even worse when you were around them. He's got to know that in some ways she probably compares him to me and vice versa. If that leads to him needing to prove some sort of superiority over me in a public forum like facebook, I don't begrudge him the attempt. I'll defend my points assertively but amicably, and would welcome a continued dialogue, but I won't take a fall to make him look better. I also won't go for any cheap shots to make him look bad. That's mean to do that to a friend, and even if he wasn't a friend it would just make me look petty.

If this all plays out that the Fiance, the Ex, and I can all continue to be friends, that would be great. I still doubt that I'm going to get an invite to the wedding, but hopefully if they're ever passing through Los Angeles they'll give me a call and we can all go out for dinner together.

No comments: